...how great is the Father's love... that he would gave his one and only Son.. so that a wretched one like me would be saved and be able to call this God of the universe Father... 

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

by your side::tenth avenue north

i am very very very very very tanned.. so tanned that my friend's parents stared at me with this amused look on their faces.. LOL..

i guess hawaii does that to you.. 

hurt. no scratch that... forgiven...

i love my church.  it's not perfect.  but it's real.

over the past few months, the worship team has started incorporating certain reflection songs that are sometimes non-christian mainstream songs  to tie in with the message for that sunday and poignantly express real emotions, feelings, and thoughts.  one particular song they had use was Hurt by Christina Aguilera to tie in with a message about anger and hatred and ultimately forgiveness.

this was my message.  this was my life.  and i relate to this.

my step Dad passed away a little over a year ago and trust me, there were a lot of hurt growing up with him.  i had never known what hatred felt like until the day i had to start living under the same roof with him.  however, i thank God that He had given me a chance to face hatred in its face and conquer it.  it wasn't easy forgiving him and it sure was not a one time deal.  i find myself having to consciously choosing to forgive and battle that hatred feeling from coming back. 

it was painful to have to forgive over and over again and to tend to fresh wounds.  but it would have been more painful not to forgive.  and to face regret.

our relationship got better and i can see that my forgiveness had released both of us.  even then, when he passed away, i still regret...  that there were still certain unfinished issues that i was forced to bury along with him.  but i'm thankful to have been given the chance to forgive...and to be forgiven.

so dad...this one's for you...

...

Hold me Jesus

i might have posted this one before... but oh well.. i'm sure this won't be the last time either...

we are not as strong as we think we are

i thank God that He made music... because i don't know how i can get through some of the toughest days in my life if there were no music, lyrics, and melodies.  and often times, He speaks to me through songs...

i completely stumbled upon this song that i didn't know even existed...  Rich Mullins wrote it and I have always liked his songs... this time.. it's as if he spoke on my behalf...

Well, it took the hand of God Almighty
To part the waters of the sea
But it only took one little lie
To separate you and me
Oh, we are not as strong as we think we are

And they say that one day Joshua
Made the sun stand still in the sky
But I can't even keep these thoughts
Of you from passing by
Oh, we are not as strong as we think we are

CHORUS
We are frail
We are fearfully and wonderfully made
Forged in the fires of human passion
Choking on the fumes of selfish rage
And with these our hells and our heavens
So few inches apart
We must be awfully small
And not as strong as we think we are

And the Master said their faith was
Gonna make them mountains move
But me, I tremble like a hill on a fault line
Just at the thought of how I lost you
Oh, we are not as strong as we think we are

BRIDGE 
And if you make me laugh well I know
I could make you like me
Cause when I laugh I can be a lot of fun
But we can't do that I know that it is frightening
What I don't know is why we can't hold on
We can't hold on

Well, it took the hand of God Almighty
To part the waters of the sea
But it only took one little lie
To separate you and me
Oh, we are not as strong as we think we are

When you love you walk on the water
Just don't stumble on the waves
We all want to go there somethin' awful
But to stand there it takes some grace
'Cause oh, we are not as strong
As we think we are